The wind was howling as a sigh escaped and I pondered over my mistake. There was a sense of melancholy and gloominess that filled the air. It didn’t help that it was raining heavily and I barely had any shelter, with only a small roof protecting me from the torrential drops of rain. It was expected I thought to myself, maybe I should have just followed suit and listened to what was told of me. Maybe I was just being too stubborn for no apparent reason at all, or maybe I just want to be stubborn for once and awhile. But alas…, as I exhaled another sigh, I thought of my current predicament. ‘Why? Why is it my fault again? Why can’t I just do whatever I want? Is it wrong to selfishly do what I want?’ I asked myself again and again. Questions bombarding my head as drops of moisture slid down, falling onto the chilled bowl of tasteless porridge before me and my already damped shirt.
I became too engrossed with myself and preoccupied with my thoughts when I suddenly felt a nudge on my right arm. It was Peggy, my 2-year-old brown Chow-chow. She was nudging my arm with her head, whining at me, indicating to me her need for attention. However, I wasn’t in the mood, so I ignored her and went on sitting on the porch whilst staring dazedly at the gloomy sky that was crowded with dark clouds and heavy rain. I was savoring the solitude and loneliness as one would when drinking fine quality wine. I was angry, angry at everyone and myself. It was not until Peggy leaned against my shoulder did I realize I was shivering with cold and my shirt was wet from the rain and the tears and snot that was unconsciously smeared earlier. Looking at the middle-sized brown-haired pooch resting on me, somehow made me feel inexplicably warm from within. It was as if the depressing thoughts and the somber mood earlier were just a figment of my imagination. The restlessness and unease I felt inside me, vanished without a sight.
There was a newfound peace that enveloped the dimly-lit place and within me as I lay my head against the dog while hugging my right arm around it. Cuddling and sharing my warmth with the dog. I felt the loneliness slipping away as we stay there looking up into the gray-covered sky, the drops of rain-producing a calming rhythmic sound. It was as if time stopped and it did for what seemed like ages, when a harsh sound was heard behind, shattering the quiet but peaceful atmosphere. Alert and subconsciously, I turned around, only to be blinded by a bright light before a blurred figure appeared before me. ‘Aw, it hurts!’ I cried when I felt a harsh but forceful tug on my arm, causing me to stumble forward and almost crashing into the ground hadn’t there been someone holding me with a strong grip on my arms. ‘What are you waiting for, get in!’ said the blurry figure which I instantly knew right away was my older brother. It took me a while to process what was happening before my bowl of porridge was taken from me and I found myself encapsulated by the bright light and shrouded with the warmth that was found around the fireplace. I was inside the house. ‘Hurry up and eat your food’ said my brother as he pulled me upstairs to the living room. I was shocked from the course of events so I momentarily dawdled on for a while, unsure whether or not I was allowed to come in, much less go up. Promptly causing him to try and hoist me up from the stairs to the living room. Soon after bringing me to the living room, he left.
I was dumbfounded, confused, not expecting to be welcomed back into the house, even if I was roughly dragged in. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was an unwanted child, that I was going to become an orphan and be given to some strangers whom I’ve never met before. It was an unexpected turn of events. I was overwhelmed with emotion as my eyes started glistening from moisture, almost instantaneously drops of tears started falling one by one. In some way, it managed to fell on my mouth. I tasted it, it wasn’t the usual sour taste that I had anticipated, instead, there was an underlying sweet taste that was barely there. It dawned upon me that these were the so-called ‘tears of joy’, an unsuspecting rarity. It wasn’t what I had envisioned its taste to be, it was far more subtle than what I had in mind.
Perhaps sensing the lack of sounds coming from the living room, ‘Hurry up and eat, do you want grandma to scold you again?!’ shouted my brother from the bedroom, which was right next to the living room. The obvious warning found in the question, as well as the tone laced with a threat in his voice, as effective as I scrambled back to my seat on the sofa and started eating the chilled and tasteless porridge. Yet, for the first time, I took a liking to it as the gruel in the bowl reduces little by little. There was that sensation again, that inexplicable warmth that overcame me. It was a nice feeling, I thought. It was not until the last spoonful of porridge, that I hoped I would remember this incident and that warm sensation for as long as I can remember.
Note: English is not my first language…